Sabina Nawaz is an elite executive coach who advises C-level leaders and teams at Fortune 500 companies, government agencies, nonprofits, and academic institutions. She gives dozens of keynotes, seminars, and conferences each year and teaches faculty at Northeastern and Drexel Universities. She spent a 14-year tenure at Microsoft, where she led the company’s executive development and succession planning efforts for 11,000 managers and nearly a thousand executives, advising Bill Gates and Steve Ballmer directly.
What’s the big idea?
No leader wants to become a clueless jerk after obtaining a new position of power. But the pressures that come with becoming a boss can make it difficult to maintain their humanity, humility, and grip on reality. With the right tools, everyone from managers to executives can turn pressure into clarity, power into connection, and act with thoughtfulness and courage at work.
Below, Sabina shares five key insights from her new book, You’re the Boss: Become the Manager You Want to Be (and Others Need). Listen to the audio version—read by Sabina herself—in the Next Big Idea App.
1. Being promoted is the riskiest time in your career.
Promotions are rewards, right? But they come with risk. One risk is in believing the strengths you’ve relied on up to this point will continue to help you succeed. This myth has thwarted the ambitions of countless brilliant executives, often without their understanding how or why.
As we rise in seniority, a gap emerges—a Power Gap between us and those who report to us. It causes staff to view us differently. Suddenly, as a boss, you hold their fate in your hands. On the eve of becoming CEO, one wise executive joked, “Tomorrow, I’m going to become a lot funnier.”
Yet, as managers, we ignore the distance created by power and cling to the traits that have helped us succeed. But when people’s necks are craning up, they tend to view things less charitably. Here are some examples:
- Direct can be seen as Callous
- Strategic can be viewed as Manipulative
- Disciplined translates to Rigid
- Calm becomes Uninterested
Recognize how your new role shifts your team’s perception. This will help you build strengths that match your new relationship and responsibilities.
2. Power doesn’t corrupt, but pressure does.
The higher you rise, the more pressure there is. Expectations soar, deadlines tighten, and before you know it, the qualities that made you a great boss—patience, empathy, clarity—start slipping. You don’t mean to snap at your team. You just need things done.
I’ve coached countless executives who say, “Of course, I’m an empathetic person, but when we’re in crisis mode, I figure we’re all adults. There’ll be time for connection later.” Except there never is a later. Pressure doesn’t just squeeze your time—it squeezes out your humanity. I know because I’ve been there.
I was a lousy manager at Microsoft. I didn’t start that way. I was the kind of manager people loved working for. Then, I returned from parental leave to my high-stakes role running Microsoft’s executive development. The first morning back, my assistant called: “Where are you? Steve expects you in 30 minutes.” She read me the memo I was supposed to discuss with the CEO—while I sped to the office. That set the tone.
“Pressure doesn’t just squeeze your time—it squeezes out your humanity.”
Inbox overflowing. Calendar packed. An infant at home. No sleep. No peace. And no patience.
I became snippy and short-tempered. I barked orders instead of giving guidance. And I micromanaged. I was terrified my team would make me look incompetent in front of executives, so I controlled every detail—down to forcing my team to check and recheck if any attendee’s name had an umlaut at every conference! I thought I was being efficient. Until a colleague pulled me aside and told me someone on my team was crying because of me.
Gut punch.
How had I gone from being supportive to someone people feared? I wasn’t a bad person. But I was a boss behaving badly. And I had no idea. Pressure warps your reactions, and a position of power stops you from seeing your impact on others. Every manager I know is feeling the squeeze. No one wants to be the jerk people dread, and no one wants to work for one.
Without the right tools, pressure will change your behavior, but it doesn’t have to. Success isn’t pressure-free, but it can be pressure-proof.
3. Asking for feedback is futile because power obscures the truth.
Much like a funhouse mirror, power distorts the image you see of yourself. Worse, our teams will happily support that warped image. Afraid to deliver bad news to the boss, they’ll assure you everything is fine while padding their feedback with treacly praise. As a result, you won’t discover when you’re off track until it’s too late.
Suppose you suspect you’re not receiving honest input (chances are, you stopped hearing the whole truth the day you were promoted), you’re frustrated that things aren’t moving fast enough, or you have a nagging feeling your team is unhappy but don’t know why. It might be time to step up to a mirror instead of seeking feedback where it’s likely to be varnished. Check your response to these four statements:
- No one pushes back or suggests an alternative—ever.
- People treat me as though I am funnier/smarter/faster than I know I am.
- I’m the only one who sets the agenda, comes up with ideas, shows initiative, and works late.
- I justify my actions with a “yeah, but…”
My client Jason, CEO of a family-owned events company, learned this lesson the hard way. Despite all four warning signs, he never questioned his own behavior. Instead, he blamed his employees, dismissing them as lazy while casting himself as the hero. His constant belittling drained their motivation, leading to even less effort—and ultimately, unhappy clients and anemic results. After finally hearing the truth through a series of interviews with his team, Jason realized the most powerful lever for success was the one he could control: himself.
4. Stop believing yourself.
Proven track record? Check.
Really smart? Check.
Visionary? Check.
You’ve checked many boxes on the way to a management position. But here’s a box to uncheck once you get there: your idea is not just great but the only idea. Power silences others, and that’s also true of their ideas. Mistaking silence for agreement, you forge ahead. After all, with the pressures around us, who has time to slow down?
Pretty soon, managers come to believe their way is The Way. They tell themselves a singular story about how things should work. When a problem arises, managers jump to a solution. Unfortunately, they will likely solve the wrong challenge and bulldoze employees along the way.
“Mistaking silence for agreement, you forge ahead.”
To bridge this Power Gap, ask for multiple ways to see something. For example, if you’re thinking, “My co-worker proposed our teams work together on a new project. He’s clearly out to grab turf or push me out,” could it also be possible that he admires your work and wants to support you with more resources, or that he thinks when your teams join forces both teams win?
Suspending our own view and asking others for input helps us have a broader view of the problem and how best to address it. This also inspires team creativity and inclusivity while encouraging members to speak up before a blister becomes a boil.
5. Never go to work hungry.
Just like going to the store hungry results in buying more junk food, going to work hungry results in junk behaviors. Our hungers at work, such as a need to be liked (even fawned over) or to be seen as the smartest person in the room, can quash tough but necessary conversations or the team’s collective creativity and increase pressure on us.
My client Jodi loved praise. In a meeting where her team needed to make tough decisions about next year’s budget, she was distracted by compliments on her customer presentation, derailing progress on an important priority and leading her astray from the best possible solution.
Who doesn’t appreciate being appreciated for a job well done? Your direct reports know this and deliver reassurances. The problem arises when your need to be liked hides what’s really going on. So, Jodi took up martial arts and filled her cup with kudos outside of work.
Science tells us that when our hearts race, we’re wired to react—but reaction isn’t always the right move. Pressure and power don’t have to dictate who you become as a boss. The best managers don’t change themselves to fit the job—they change how they handle pressure and power.
To listen to the audio version read by author Sabina Nawaz, download the Next Big Idea App today:
