Below, Kelly McGonigal shares five key insights from her new book, Joy Is a Risk Worth Taking.
Kelly is a psychologist, Stanford University lecturer, and award-winning science writer who translates research into practical strategies for living healthier, happier, and more meaningful lives. Her TED Talk, “How to Make Stress Your Friend,” is one of the most viewed TED Talks of all time.
What’s the Big Idea?
Joy is more than something we feel when good things happen. It’s a capacity we can cultivate by learning to appreciate what’s good in life, and the more we embrace and share it, the more connected we feel to one another and to life itself.
Listen to the audio version of this Book Bite—read by Kelly herself—in the Next Big Idea App, or buy the book.
1. Joy has a practical function.
Joy is the emotion experienced during moments that connect you to something that makes life worth living. It can be a very small thing, like the delight of noticing a beautiful bird in your backyard, or it could be a big moment that you have longed for, like reuniting with a loved one you thought you might never see again.
Like all emotions, this feeling has a purpose. Joy’s core function is to affirm the value of life itself. In moments of joy, you are more likely to feel that you matter, that you belong, and that your future is worthwhile. You’re more likely to believe that there is good in the world, and you notice the beauty both around you and within you. You’re more likely to believe and know that you are cared about and that you aren’t alone. Joy makes it easier to be alive because it makes you glad to be alive.
The second core function of joy is that it brings people closer together, especially when you share a moment of joy. It could be as simple as a moment of enjoying one another’s company, or it could be a grand reunion. When we share joy with someone, it makes us feel like we can trust them more. It gives us a feeling of belonging. It makes us like the other person more. Joy is basically a bonding agent. The more we experience joy with someone else, the more connected we become.
The final core function of joy is to help us resist despair when life gets hard. Wanting joy, showing joy, and feeling joy is not foolish or selfish, and it’s also not impossible during difficult times. I don’t think joy, as a capacity, would exist if being human were easy. Joy is the signal our bodies need to help us move forward and handle all the challenges that come our way.
2. The core mental process of joy is appreciation.
Every emotion has some kind of habit of thinking that makes it more likely you will feel and show that emotion. Take anger as an example. The more you ruminate, the more likely you are to feel angry, become angry, and express anger. Rumination is the mental process of going back to something negative, stewing on it, and replaying it in your mind. If I asked you to think about something that upset you and ruminate on it, you would probably become angry pretty quickly.
The mental process that gives rise to joy—and makes it possible—is appreciation. Appreciation is about noticing or reflecting on something good and allowing yourself to sense and acknowledge its value rather than dismissing it or being critical. It is choosing to put your attention on the good, savoring it, and allowing yourself to sense its value.
“Allow yourself to find all there is to appreciate around you.”
You can increase your capacity for joy by practicing the mental process of appreciation. When you spot that beautiful bird in your backyard, take a moment to really look at it, listen to it, admire it, and notice the feeling of peacefulness or hopefulness that arises from your contact with that bird. Maybe you feel more connected to nature or life itself. Allow yourself to find all there is to appreciate around you.
You can also practice appreciation for moments with deeper meaning, like reflecting on how you got to this point in life and feeling gratitude for that journey. Or feel gratitude for the relief of reuniting with a loved one, and appreciate the preciousness of time spent with them.
Recognizing appreciation as the core mental process of joy helps us recognize the biggest barriers to joy. This includes things like cynicism, which is a reluctance to really acknowledge or trust good things, including good in yourself and good in others. Nihilism is another barrier: the tendency to dismiss the positive meaning or significance of actions, events, or life itself. Then there are also negative biases, which are the tendency to focus on negatives and what could go wrong. When you understand that these mental habits—cynicism, nihilism, negative biases—are obstacles to joy, it can strengthen our motivation to cultivate our capacity for joy. The process of appreciation becomes a way to resist cynicism, nihilism, and despair.
3. Sources of joy are remarkably consistent.
I’ve looked at surveys and studies from all over the world. I’ve also interviewed and surveyed thousands of people worldwide, of all ages and life circumstances, asking them what brought them joy in the last 24 hours and to tell me about one of the most joyful moments of their life. From all of these data sources, the things that bring people joy are extremely consistent:
- Connecting with others.
- Living in line with key values.
- Accomplishing things that matter.
- Appreciating beauty.
- Being fully present in a moment.
When you see how universal these sources of joy are, you recognize that there is something fundamentally life-affirming about joy. Your capacity to take joy in these things—like helping others or admiring nature or being proud that you did something hard but meaningful—is a beautiful part of who you are. It’s a beautiful part of human nature.
Also, when you know what brings people joy, you can commit acts of joy. These are things that make joy possible. For example, you can let someone help you and thank them for it. You can choose to put something beautiful into the world that will delight others. You can make time to be with someone. You can choose to acknowledge and celebrate something good. These acts allow you and others to experience meaning and feel the value of life. And they don’t require feeling joyful or hopeful or happy first.
4. People do not want to be alone in their happiness.
Most people understand that people don’t want to be alone in their worst moments, when they’re suffering, scared, or in pain. In those moments, most people crave company, support, empathy, and understanding. But the same is true for people’s best moments. People don’t want to be alone in their happiness. They want others to be happy for them and with them.
If you received good news, who would you want to share it with? How would you want them to react? Most of us hope that others will be happy for us and that we can see their joy for us reflected in their enthusiasm. Studies show that your ability to meet joy with joy is just as important for relationship satisfaction as your ability to empathize with somebody else’s problems or pain.
Part of this is because when somebody meets your joy with joy, it makes the significance of that good thing really stand out. It helps you feel the meaning of that moment more, and sends a really strong message that says: I care about you. You matter to me. Your happiness matters to me. Be the kind of person that other people can share their happiness with.
5. Joy wants to be let out.
I call this the champagne bottle feature of joy. Joy often bursts forth in smiles, laughter, dances, jumping, cheering, hugging, and more. Joy often acts like a positive energy that can’t be contained. And in fact, joy has more ways of expressing itself than any other emotion.
Joy has more recognizable facial expressions, sounds, vocal changes, and body language than other emotions. You can communicate joy through a hug, how you hold someone’s hand, or how you shake their shoulders with good news. Joy even has a scent—if felt strongly enough, it changes the way you smell, meaning other people can literally inhale your joy.
“Joy even has a scent.”
When an emotion has so many expressive signals, it is because there is a benefit to showing that emotion and recognizing it in others. One function of joy is that showing it amplifies the meaning of the moment. The more you show it or the more you see other people expressing joy, the more meaningful that moment feels. Expressing joy also increases joy’s ability to draw people closer together. Joy is one of the most contagious emotions because of how powerful those expressive signals are. Smiles, laughter, jumping, singing, shouting, hugging—these can all be contagious. When you show joy, you often spread it. And the more moments of shared joy, the closer we feel to the people experiencing it with us.
It’s important to show your joy and resist bottling it up, especially around people you care about or want to feel closer to. And when other people express their joy, join them! Laugh with them, cheer with them, and return their hug. Sometimes it’s just as easy as saying, “I’m so happy for you,” and returning a smile.
Enjoy our full library of Book Bites—read by the authors!—in the Next Big Idea App:
